there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
