yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
