She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
