Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
