and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
