btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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