Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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