i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Fuck appropriateness.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
