I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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