dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
