Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
