I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Be still, my beating vagina.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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