thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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