Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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