ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
