There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
