Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
