i think my mom watched the whole time
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
