no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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