I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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