Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
