I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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