ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
