everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
