I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
