Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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