I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
