I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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