apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
