I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
