His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
