saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
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In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
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He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
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