Already got asked if we're dating
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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