My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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