what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
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