Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
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I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
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Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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