I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
