we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
