so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Randomize
