friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
