She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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