do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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