In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
