I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
im holly from the hills drunk
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
