I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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