Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
