Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
