My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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