so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
