Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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