My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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