dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
