i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
