I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
