Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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