You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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