it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
