My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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