She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
