I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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