Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
