I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Also, beer. Big fan.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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