so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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