Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
40s are totally the cure
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
