Christians are straight up FREAKS
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
