So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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