Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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