Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
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