Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
she pinky promised me she was 18
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
