***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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