I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
