I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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