3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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