you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
