we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
