He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
