if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
