Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
