Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
