Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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