I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
