His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
No...this little piggys going to the bar
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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