By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
