I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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