I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
