4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
