I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
