Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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